First Chapter: Safeguard
Matteo
“Vermont has a lot of trees, Daddy,” my five-year-old daughter, Lauren, said from her car seat. A laugh escaped me as I spied her wide eyes in my rear-view mirror.
“We had trees in New York, too. Maybe not this many but—”
“Does our yard have a lot of trees?”
When I rolled to a stop at the first traffic light I’d seen in hours, I craned my head and reached into the back seat to squeeze her legging-covered knee. The giggle she let out made my chest deflate in a little relief. I’d gone on for weeks about our new adventure in the country, and I must’ve done a good enough job for her to buy into it. It killed me to take her away from her grandparents, but as she jabbered with excitement from the backseat, I prayed it was a sign that the crazy decision I’d made for us would work out.
“Here we are, Cookie,” I told her as we pulled up in front of our new home. Other than the upstairs balcony, the small white house with the teal roof seemed plain to the naked eye, but the skylight windows on the roof plus the winding staircase made the inside spectacular. We had a full basement, three bedrooms, and a dining room that was probably too big for the both of us, but I was excited about it all. There was nothing like this back in the Bronx, and when I came to Colebury a couple of months ago to scope out affordable housing options close to work, I knew we had to have it the minute I stepped over the threshold.
“That’s our house, Daddy? All of it?”
When her mouth fell open, I didn’t know whether to laugh or tear up. Whoever said real men didn’t cry never knew what it was like to have a baby girl grab your heart right out of your chest the moment she was born. My family called us twins because Lauren and I had the same nose and mouth, but her eyes were all her mother. It was still confusing to love someone more than my own life who reminded me so much of someone I hated.
Maybe hate was a strong word since I could never hate Callie, but I resented the hell out of her for what she did, and as time passed it hadn’t stopped eating away at me. I doubted it ever would.
I stepped out of the driver’s seat and made my way to the back to open Lauren’s door.
“It sure is our house.” She squealed when I lifted her up and held her high over my head. “It has stairs and windows in the roof so we can see the sky, and a big yard with a ton of trees!”
When I brought her back to my chest, she looped her arms around my neck and cuddled into my shoulder. My life was the little lady in my arms, and I would do whatever I needed to in order to make this work.
While I had help from family back in New York, the job of both parents had always been mine. The only comfort I had was that this was all my daughter had ever known. I was all my daughter knew. Most would say a mother leaving her baby when she was an infant was tragic, but I’d found it a blessing. Lauren was too young to remember how indifferent her mother had been toward her, and she’d never worried when Callie left one day and didn’t return.
All Lauren had was me. And although I felt as if I was screwing up daily, I was all she wanted.
It had always been my plan to move out of the city when I had a family. But I’d thought when would be years from now, and family would mean my little girl would have both a mother and a father, and I wouldn’t be doing this alone at twenty-eight. My buddies back in the Bronx were mostly unattached and never really knew what to make of what my life had become.
There were times that I didn’t either.
If I’d learned anything since I became a single parent, it was that life only laughed in your face at any plans you were foolish enough to make.
Lauren was used to the lower-level apartment my cousin rented to me out of his two family house. We shared the concrete backyard but it wasn’t safe for her to play in. This yard had grass and trees, and I already had plans for a mini playground back there. The whole point of coming out here was to give her a different and—I hoped—better life.
I snatched my phone from the cup holder. After I scrolled through and replied to all the good luck messages, I shot my friend, Phoebe, a text. I worked with her at one of my first bar manager jobs in a restaurant in Manhattan and we stayed in touch. When she’d gotten a job as the executive chef at the new gastropub in Speakeasy, a trendy bar in Colebury, Vermont, she contacted me about an open bar manager position since she’d remembered that I’d always talked about moving my daughter out of the city and into the country. It didn’t get more country than Vermont.
When I interviewed with the owners, the salary they offered was good, insurance was decent, and thanks to the savings I’d accumulated from free family childcare and cheap rent since Lauren was born, I could afford to give us the simpler and better life I’d always wanted for her.
At least that was my plan—a plan I prayed would work.
Matteo: We’re here. How are you holding up?
Before she’d come to Colebury, Phoebe had endured a social media nightmare after an embarrassing breakup—photos and all—went viral on Twitter. She’d been looking to leave New York too, although her reasons had been more urgent than mine. I knew she’d be stubborn and insist she was fine, but it was a miserable way to start a new job in a new place.
Phoebe: Welcome to Vermont! Is Lauren in shock from all the trees?
Phoebe: And fine. I’m acclimating very nicely. Small town living takes some getting used to. You guys may be in a little bit of culture shock at first.
Matteo: Trees are the first thing Lauren noticed. And I’m very glad to hear that. I’m around if you want to talk.
Phoebe: I’m glad you’re around. I’m really okay. No one has called me meat girl once, and without losing hours scrolling through social media, I’ve had time to come up with some killer recipes. If anyone has recognized me, they haven’t mentioned it. At least to my face.
Matteo: Let me know if I need to go Bronx on anyone.
Phoebe: Easy, tough guy. I appreciate the offer, though.
“Matteo!” I recognized the shrill voice of Adeline, the rep from the home rental agency. After Phoebe convinced me to at least think about coming here, she connected me with both housing and school contacts, knowing I wouldn’t make any kind of move unless I could guarantee an upgrade in both. From the time I’d made the first trip up here, Adeline had been all too accommodating.
“So nice to see you again. Aw, this must be Lisa.” She shot Lauren a patronizing glance before meeting my gaze, a saccharine smile curling her red lips.
“Lauren,” I corrected, my shoulders going rigid as I held my daughter closer to me. “Thanks for meeting us.” The fact that I had a child in my arms didn’t stop her from doing a shameless perusal up and down my body.
I’d casually dated here and there since Lauren’s mother left, emphasis on casually. I would never bring another person into our lives who could hurt us both again and made it a point to never ever bring a woman I was seeing around Lauren. My daughter didn’t remember her mother, but she’d been asking a ton of questions lately. The last thing I needed was for her to get attached to someone she’d only know temporarily. On the rare occasion I’d go on a date, it was a no strings attached and mostly one-time thing.
My friends used to tease me how my kid must be a chick magnet, but most of the women who thought single fathers were hot turned out to have no interest in children. Even if I had no intentions of introducing my daughter to anyone I’d dated, that was still a huge turn off.
“Here are all the keys. The kitchen appliances arrived, so all you need is some furniture to set onto those shiny wooden floors.”
“That’s all arriving tomorrow. We have an air mattress to sleep on tonight.”
Adeline put the keys into my palm, sliding her finger over my wrist before I closed my fist around them.
“Sounds cozy. Well, you have my number if you need anything. The mailbox already says Gallo. Enjoy your new home.”
She turned, an exaggerated sway to her hips as she made her way to her car.
I respected women who knew what they wanted and weren’t afraid to ask for it, and Adeline was sexy as hell. In another time or place, maybe I would have asked to see her again. But barely giving my daughter an inkling of acknowledgment didn’t make me want to take her up on anything she was offering. Not that I would anyway. Right now, we needed to make this place a home before I even remotely considered who I’d see in my spare time, which I didn’t anticipate to be much.
Before I unpacked the car, I let Lauren down and led her by the hand inside the house, my heart swelling at all her gasps as we walked from room to room.
“Daddy, look!” She pointed her little finger to the ceiling and to the large skylight windows. “We don’t have to go outside to see the stars.”
“Nope.” I lifted her up again. “And up here you’ll see a ton of them without the city smog.”
“How many?” she asked, eyes wide again.
“Thousands,” I leaned in to whisper. She was still learning her numbers, but her hand flew to her mouth at the notion of all those stars right above us.
I could only hope that my attempt to reach for stars wouldn’t make me fall flat on my face.